Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
