dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
