he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
