do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
