there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How naked do you want me to be?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
