These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
