for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
