I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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