I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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