3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
