my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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