Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
