i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
