She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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