Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
