we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
