I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
