After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
