Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
