You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
