My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
