Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
