Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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