Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
