my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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