Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
