Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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