no, he came in my armpit
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
