the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
