I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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