You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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