you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
