Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
