you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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