i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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