alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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