If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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