i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
