I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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