Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
