just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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