i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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