My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
