Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
