Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
