I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
