I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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