I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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