I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
