I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
