It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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